Thursday, May 31, 2007

winding down

The time is coming to a close. There are only a few weeks left and they are flying at light speed. How silly it sounds that I will long for this torture and long nights. Why will I miss the tiresome 1am bike rides? This is best thing I've ever done in my life by far. I've never worked so hard and had so much fun. I can't explain how thoroughly fulfilling this is. I hope teaching will satiate that need for an intense pushing of character that my body has latched onto here.

Friday, May 25, 2007

spaghetti and football

Tonight was interesting navigating the slick streets of Honolulu. A guy about a hundred yards ahead of me got side swiped and consequently wiped out. No helmet equals no good. He seemed to be okay, although in shock and startled. He was then trying to race past me on a mountain bike, on the sidewalk, and talking on his cellphone, recalling the incident. I rode with him all the way into downtown. I don't understand how people ride around without awareness.

Training is going well. The room is super hot, but I've mostly adjusted to it. Tonight's class was especially difficult, although I powered through the diziness. Everything is good with this stage of the process. Things seem to be falling into place, and the hard work is reaping its benefits. I've finally been realizing how fast this has been going. This is definitely the strongest focus and strength I've ever had. It will be interesting to see how my body readapts to normal life. Sleep.

Speaking of sleep, Bikram is returning tomorrow and we will have our first evening lecture in 3 weeks. Let's just hope that he doesn't lecture until ungodly hours. Today we had an extensive and metaphorical lecture on fascia. Jon Burras said 'fascia' 152 times in and during the lecture of the same name. The first 45 minutes were uncounted, but there were probably 152 more fascias said. The power of positive thought.

Focus Focus Fascia Focus

Sunday, May 20, 2007


Tapdancing on this local atmosphere,
the minute and subtle are solely visible.
Tiny red threads that squiggle on the carpet,
Specs of sand stuck to your ankle,
Scents of movements and change.
The reality of reality,
hewn from incandescence and discards.
Teetering on the brink of existence,
the nature of nature winces.
Twinkle this night with exploding colors
and promises of a new tomorrow.
The twin quincuncial crux
dissolving life into inferior fifths.
These dissected squares
show the whole as an illusive pattern.
They show that time and congruity
are not synonyms;
Happenstance and serendipity
are built into the substructure.
The pressure underpinning breathe,
showing the untouchable relief.
Humdrum paths approach infinity
branching off here and there for confused escape.
Welcome to our invisible notions of indentured supremity.
Hollyhocks await your denied entry into the freedom
that lies just around the cavernous branches of consciousness.
The illusion of our illusion debilitates decision and progress.
Jump and float
or slouch and writhe.
Endeavor towards one path and you loop to the opposite.
Hold tight to the fleeting moments which
innervate the glimpses of grace and beauty.
The squares of the quincunx
converge into a singular optical notion
which clarifies path, purpose, breathe and blood flow.
So as we flow towards our nourishing end,
the neon tracks light the way to a hopscotch cul de sac.
Pierce the dark backdrop
and climb into tunnels that obscure directionality indefinitely.
Welcome to our invisible notions of indentured supremity.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007


There is no possible way I can explain the stress, hard work, and insanity that was last week. My hips, lower back, and knees are so sore. We are engrossed with the memorization of our dialogue and so we are reciting one posture each day. I am doing very well with that aspect, although the most common criticisms that I have are that I'm too serious, not joyous, detached, and/or not fun. I'm told not to change my personality, yet be a little more fun(ny) or joyous. Whenever I'm doing something like that, I'm in a meditative state, like being in the darkroom or riding my bike. I like how Iggy Pop puts it:

And, ah... when I'm in the grips of it, I don't feel pleasure and I don't feel pain, either physically or emotionally. Do you understand what I'm talking about? Have you ever, have you ever felt like that? When you just, when you just, you couldn't feel anything, and you didn't want to either. You know, like that? Do you understand what I'm saying, sir?

I'm working on it. I'll flip these sardonic ways. I will acquiesce.

So then somebody decided to steal my bike saddle. Cool. The bike ride was fun on Saturday after visiting Shark's Cove. My thighs felt like they were going to explode. So on Sunday I walked to the bike store and bought a very expensive seat and the wrong sized stem. Cool again. I got to trek it back to the bike shop on my lunch break today. Yeah um...still cool. I guess somebody needed the seat more than me.

I'm going to keep on plugging this week. My hips have to open up soon. Over and out.

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

another day

Bikram is out of town this week, which is nice because we actually have a cap on the length of the evenings. We are working in posture clinics with our dialogue that we're memorizing. Learning the dialogue rapidly is challenging. I had a lot of practice in high school, so it isn't so difficult for me. It's amazing some of the ESL students here can do the dialogue so well. I can't imagine trying to take anatomy tests or memorize dialogue in French, or Spanish, or another language for that matter. My birthday came and went as another day. No pomp, no circumstance, not even a good yoga class. That's just means that a good one is coming soon.

This training is going by very quickly, and it's going to be over in the blink of an eye. I wish it wasn't so much of a roller coaster, as a daily building on strength and flexibility. One day I'm great, the next lousy. Bikram says that you are either given strength or flexibility naturally and you work on the other in yoga. I would have said that strength was what I had going for me, but most days it doesn't seem like I'm strong or flexible. I'm hoping to level off and balance out soon. My lower back and hips are still real tight and sore, but they seem to be opening up slowly.

So, ummm, yeah this gigantic centepede was found in the dryer as I was lifting my clothes out. Apparently, centepedes are some of the meanest and most feared creatures in Hawai'i. I'm glad that I found my first one dead. Still a daunting sight. Try not to have nightmares about multitudinous amounts of angry centepedes attacking your throat whilst you sleep. What?

Saturday, May 5, 2007

Reflection, Foresight

This is one of my most signature photos. It's called hollowarms. This photo is how I feel about my life right now. The ominous tunnel of life; pockets of fake light that trick you as you stumble through the half dim luminesence, and a very precarious quandry. Left, Right, or plunge Straight through our fears and phobias in our war with the world. My eyes are open and I'm not deviating from my path.

A picture of my 4 years ago at the peak of miserability. I aptly named it the fattest picture ever. At least I've shed that skin of yesteryear. I just wanted to post it because people don't believe that I used to be 200 pounds.

Thursday, May 3, 2007

no sleep tonight

Bikram lectured until 1:30am tonight. I will hopefully get three hours of sleep. I had my best yoga class so far in the training tonight. I was really focused with my effort and my mind.

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Circumvent this existence

Thorasics? Lumbars? I want to see the xrays.
Please don't take responsibility for me.
Ischial Tuberosity? I want to see the proof.
I would like to proceed.

Internalizing this change is slow.
Walking upright requires a spine.
I'd like to just be for a second.
My spine dug a hole to Shanghai.

Will I wake up in time
to witness this transformation,
Or will the delusional perils
plague my easily swayed notions?

Circumvent this existence.
Lollygag and stall.