pinhole

let’s transition into this universe made of dust and mold;

what a confusion circumnavigating the labrynth of scheme.

shall we rest our confidence in the carbon of the future

as this ominous stillness gravitates us to the core?

up and down, we look to the depths of patterned familiarity,

left and right, falling, regaining stasis,

standing, stoppage.

back and forth we go; help me to conjure up change.

a snail’s pace, this trance is laborous and precise

as we witness astonishment flaten to a thin sheet of aloofness.

unclear, nonexistent conspiracies are folded up and put away.

foresight is transpicious and although it’s presented conversely,

envision a pinhole that envelops into fractal geometry.

we end up tiptoeing through our toetapping days

trying to step forward to get a bitter taste of reality.

attempting to slide this shoehorn between energy and static,

coming close, cusping the distance between glassy blinks,

our eyes are open, but are unaware of such instances.

wide open to opposite directions,

desiring an adhock plank to any such adventure.

wanting to queue this bridge,

our crossovers stop needing such a defined substructure.

ending quiesence or at least pretending,

this is the beginning the antithesis of acquiesence has promised.

do you think eternity desires to live

as infinity converges towards this enveloping pinhole?

last days in hawaii

a flower with a minute pond growing in its center

me on the beach at the end of waikiki near diamond head

luk, a good friend from training trying to squish my head

friends from graduation looking stunning

These are images from my last days in Hawaii. I've been a hamster on a treadmill for 9 weeks and I only had a couple of days free off the wheel. It was actually kind of weird having time off. The graduation went well on Saturday. I am now officially a certified Bikram's Yoga Instructor. Can you believe it? I am teaching on Wednesday morning at 9:00am. I'm working through the last bits of dialogue and am really looking forward to teaching. It's sad to leave Hawaii on such empty terms, but that's the way it is. By empty, I only refer to the ending of my time here. It's just a little sad to be working so hard and then poof! it's all over.

I am going to be moving to Portland the first week of August. It's going to be a really good move and I have made some friends that are really cool. I'm really looking forward to a change of pace and scenery. I think it will be good for the art and writing I do and a general higher quality of living. There are so many transitions to get to the next period of my life. I'm excited to get there, but I still have lots of hard work before I get there.

the theory of everything

life of surreal
life of such surreal
experience delivering of time
because is man because
spine sad
nice bikram's the practiced one
this only time
amazing compliments man
definitely inspiring
definitely twist
definitely is a delivering from the gettting
to only the best the end
that time
how tonight
because spine behind said delivering practice
it's this amazing wednesday
sad spine got back life
so such bikram's I end
twist!



Nearing the end is difficult in a lot of ways and easy in a lot of others. It's going to be nice to feel my sacrum again, or to have hamstrings again. A lot of people are pretending to be close to people that they are not as some sort of salvage mechanism. I'm excited about getting back to teach. I'm teaching on Wednesday the 20th at 9:00am! I'm reworking previous dialogue and am going to be doing more to make sure I have the dialogue the best that I can. I have two make up classes this week, so on Tuesday and Thursday I will be doing three classes per day. I did a triple last week on Thursday and was fine, although a little bushed after class trois. I got a pretty sweet stomach wrinkle tan earlier this week after sitting in a chair too long in the sun. it looks like I put sunscreen on my whole chest except for two lines laterally across my stomach! Graduation is next Saturday. There's going to be a small ceremony, then dinner at the Hilton. Supposedly Bikram is paying for 55 bucks a head for dinner. You think you'd get a quantity discount with more than 500 students and family attending the event. The talent show gave some students the long waited opportunity to publicly make fun of the staff and it's now trite phrases. 'Trust the process,' and 'manifest impeccable form' are two noteworthy candidates. This week is all Bikram, Rajashree and senior teachers for the yoga classes. These teachers will insure the training ends in a bang and we might all just explode. If it's any indication of how hot/humid it is here, since week 6, every teacher including Bikram has opened the exterior doors to allow the breeze to come into the room for oxygen. I'm also looking forward to paying resonable prices for food. I don't see how people can get used to paying double for their groceries. Minimum wage isn't higher here. Maybe that's why there's so many crazy people here, like the guy who yelled out the passenger side of a car for five minutes about kicking some guys ass and reminiscent of something Bikram would say he screamed, 'I've never done coke, but I like it.' This guy continued to scream incoherently as his friend sped embarassingly down the road. Nutso. Anyway, things are good and in a week, I'm going to be a certified bikram yogi. crazy.

winding down

The time is coming to a close. There are only a few weeks left and they are flying at light speed. How silly it sounds that I will long for this torture and long nights. Why will I miss the tiresome 1am bike rides? This is best thing I've ever done in my life by far. I've never worked so hard and had so much fun. I can't explain how thoroughly fulfilling this is. I hope teaching will satiate that need for an intense pushing of character that my body has latched onto here.

spaghetti and football

Tonight was interesting navigating the slick streets of Honolulu. A guy about a hundred yards ahead of me got side swiped and consequently wiped out. No helmet equals no good. He seemed to be okay, although in shock and startled. He was then trying to race past me on a mountain bike, on the sidewalk, and talking on his cellphone, recalling the incident. I rode with him all the way into downtown. I don't understand how people ride around without awareness.

Training is going well. The room is super hot, but I've mostly adjusted to it. Tonight's class was especially difficult, although I powered through the diziness. Everything is good with this stage of the process. Things seem to be falling into place, and the hard work is reaping its benefits. I've finally been realizing how fast this has been going. This is definitely the strongest focus and strength I've ever had. It will be interesting to see how my body readapts to normal life. Sleep.

Speaking of sleep, Bikram is returning tomorrow and we will have our first evening lecture in 3 weeks. Let's just hope that he doesn't lecture until ungodly hours. Today we had an extensive and metaphorical lecture on fascia. Jon Burras said 'fascia' 152 times in and during the lecture of the same name. The first 45 minutes were uncounted, but there were probably 152 more fascias said. The power of positive thought.

Focus Focus Fascia Focus

quincunx

Tapdancing on this local atmosphere,
the minute and subtle are solely visible.
Tiny red threads that squiggle on the carpet,
Specs of sand stuck to your ankle,
Scents of movements and change.
The reality of reality,
hewn from incandescence and discards.
Teetering on the brink of existence,
the nature of nature winces.
Twinkle this night with exploding colors
and promises of a new tomorrow.
The twin quincuncial crux
dissolving life into inferior fifths.
These dissected squares
show the whole as an illusive pattern.
They show that time and congruity
are not synonyms;
Happenstance and serendipity
are built into the substructure.
The pressure underpinning breathe,
showing the untouchable relief.
Humdrum paths approach infinity
branching off here and there for confused escape.
Welcome to our invisible notions of indentured supremity.
Hollyhocks await your denied entry into the freedom
that lies just around the cavernous branches of consciousness.
The illusion of our illusion debilitates decision and progress.
Jump and float
or slouch and writhe.
Endeavor towards one path and you loop to the opposite.
Hold tight to the fleeting moments which
innervate the glimpses of grace and beauty.
The squares of the quincunx
converge into a singular optical notion
which clarifies path, purpose, breathe and blood flow.
So as we flow towards our nourishing end,
the neon tracks light the way to a hopscotch cul de sac.
Pierce the dark backdrop
and climb into tunnels that obscure directionality indefinitely.
Welcome to our invisible notions of indentured supremity.

adversity

There is no possible way I can explain the stress, hard work, and insanity that was last week. My hips, lower back, and knees are so sore. We are engrossed with the memorization of our dialogue and so we are reciting one posture each day. I am doing very well with that aspect, although the most common criticisms that I have are that I'm too serious, not joyous, detached, and/or not fun. I'm told not to change my personality, yet be a little more fun(ny) or joyous. Whenever I'm doing something like that, I'm in a meditative state, like being in the darkroom or riding my bike. I like how Iggy Pop puts it:

And, ah... when I'm in the grips of it, I don't feel pleasure and I don't feel pain, either physically or emotionally. Do you understand what I'm talking about? Have you ever, have you ever felt like that? When you just, when you just, you couldn't feel anything, and you didn't want to either. You know, like that? Do you understand what I'm saying, sir?

I'm working on it. I'll flip these sardonic ways. I will acquiesce.


So then somebody decided to steal my bike saddle. Cool. The bike ride was fun on Saturday after visiting Shark's Cove. My thighs felt like they were going to explode. So on Sunday I walked to the bike store and bought a very expensive seat and the wrong sized stem. Cool again. I got to trek it back to the bike shop on my lunch break today. Yeah um...still cool. I guess somebody needed the seat more than me.

I'm going to keep on plugging this week. My hips have to open up soon. Over and out.